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The Part of You No One Talks About
There’s a side of us we rarely acknowledge. Not the polished self. Not the version we’re proud to introduce. The other one.
The part that still fears rejection. The part that clings to old habits when life feels heavy. The part that shows up when we’re tired, overwhelmed, or stretching beyond what feels familiar.
People don’t avoid their shadow because it’s ugly. They avoid it because it’s powerful.Because it asks for honesty before comfort. Because meeting that part of yourself means admitting there are wounds you’ve carried longer than you’ve understood.
But here’s a truth we rarely speak about: the shadow is not the end point. It’s the beginning.
It’s where self-awareness actually starts.
Your shadow holds the stories you survived before you knew how to process them. It holds the impulses you judge but never question. It holds the patterns you repeat without meaning to.
It’s not the monster. It’s the memory. And when it’s misunderstood, it shapes your life quietly - and the choices that come from it often lead you into consequences you didn’t see coming. Not because you’re broken, but because unhealed pain still has a voice.
When you begin to understand this part of you - gently, without shame - something shifts. Your reactions soften. Your choices become steadier.
Your relationships start reflecting who you are now, not who you were then.
The shadow stops working against you. It stops pulling you toward familiar chaos. It stops pushing people away before they can get close.
Not because it disappears… but because you finally see it.
The moment you stop running from your inner dark, something remarkable happens. It turns from a reactive place into a form of dark wisdom - a gut knowing, a quiet internal signal of “I’ve been here before,” and “this no longer needs to define me.” It becomes the part of you that notices patterns before you fall into them, the part that stabilizes your emotions instead of intensifying them.
Healing doesn’t begin in the light. It begins in the part of you you’ve tried hardest to avoid. Because once you understand your shadow, you stop fearing it. And once you stop fearing it, it stops running the show.
This is where you meet yourself honestly - the parts you show, the parts you hide, and everything in between. It doesn’t need to feel dramatic or mystical. It just needs to be true. And that truth is where your becoming quietly begins.
So this week, pause gently.
Not to judge yourself, but to listen to yourself and ask;
Where am I still avoiding a part of myself that’s trying to teach me something?
Coaching Insight
Most people try to change their habits before understanding the pattern behind them - and that’s why they “relapse”. Not because they lack discipline, but because the root was never healed.
Your shadow reveals the root. When you learn to meet it instead of outrun it, your choices stop coming from fear and start coming from awareness. That is the beginning of self-leadership - and it’s why, in my work, habits often dissolve naturally once the origin is understood.
Written by Abigail Richard
Founder of arickard | Coach & Consultant | Author of Self-Love Blueprint & Unbreakable. Supporting leaders and changemakers to regulate their nervous system, gain clarity, and find calm - so they can lead with presence, purpose, and emotional depth.
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