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What Love Really Is - And What Self Love Has Been Missing

 

Love isn’t the soft, polished thing we like to market. It’s not a quote. It’s not an aesthetic. And it’s definitely not the highlight reel of someone who never struggles.

Love - real love - is presence.

It’s the way you sit with someone when their world feels heavy and you don’t rush them back to “fine”. It’s the quiet loyalty you offer without needing to be the hero. It’s honesty mixed with gentleness. It’s holding someone’s truth without turning it into judgment.

That’s love.

And self love… is the same thing. Just turned inward.

Not the bubble baths. Not the mantras. Not the glossy list of “self-care” - they do their part but..

Self love is seeing your own reality without flinching.

It’s saying: This is where I am. This is what hurts. This is what I fear. And I’m not walking away from myself because of it.

It’s looking at your patterns without shame. It’s meeting yourself with understanding even when you’re simply in the middle of a mess - not blaming, not running, just acknowledging… and staying.

Self love is the balance of two truths: the raw honesty of where you stand and the compassion you’d offer a friend if they were standing there too.

It’s not pretending everything is okay. And it’s not collapsing under what isn’t. It’s the middle space - the quiet return to yourself where both the dark and the light are allowed to exist without needing to earn permission.

Sometimes 

• it’s choosing rest before you break
• speaking a truth you’ve avoided
• walking away from what no longer honors you
• refusing to shrink to make life easier

 

Love is presence. Self love is presence with yourself.

Not the trend. Not the performance. Just the steady decision to stop offering others a level of care you keep withholding from your own heart.

And maybe… this month isn’t about becoming someone new. Maybe it’s about returning to the one person you’ve kept waiting the longest.

Yourself.
 

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Reflection of the Week

 

Where can I offer myself softer understanding - while still allowing myself to see things as they are, without turning it into self-punishment?

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Coaching Insight

 

Self love isn’t a behaviour - it’s a capacity. And capacity grows through consistency, not intensity.

If you want to strengthen it, begin with the smallest possible shift: notice your tone with yourself.

Not the thoughts - the tone.

If a friend shared the same fear, mistake, or truth… you would meet them with patience, space, and understanding.
Offer yourself the same first response. That’s where transformation begins.

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Written by Abigail Richard

 

Founder of arickard | Coach & Consultant | Author of Self-Love Blueprint & Unbreakable. Supporting leaders and changemakers to regulate their nervous system, gain clarity, and find calm - so they can lead with presence, purpose, and emotional depth.

 

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